Thought Blots

We are in trouble…

The population of this country is 300 million.

160 million are retired.

That leaves 140 million to do the work.

There are 90 million in school.

Which leaves 50 million to do the work.

Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government.

Leaving 15 million to do the work.

2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama Bin-Laden.

Which leaves 12.2 million to do the work.

Take from that total the 10.8 million people who work for state and city Governments. And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals

Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do the work

You and me.

And there you are,

Sitting on your duff,

At your computer, reading jokes.

Nice!  Real nice.

I was reading my personal journal, which I sparadically write in, and came across something I wrote back at the beginning of 2006.  It’s funny how sometimes your own word can come back to challenge you.  I really liked this so I thought I’d post it.

 If you are in a dark place, take joy in knowing that God will develop you, at the right time, into a beautiful picture.  He takes negatives and develops them into photos.  And as we know, photos are worth a thousand words and are beautiful works of art.  Life is a process.  So when things seem negative and backwards, take joy in knowing that you are being developed into something better and beautiful.

James 1:2-4     “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

Copyright © 2008

Christmas is that time of year when everybody is supposed to be happy, at least for a week.  A time of gift giving and family gatherings.  When you add the Christian faith to the Christmas season, it becomes a soulfully joyous occasion–celebrating the birth of our savior.  But as many know, Christmas can also be the worst time of year for some people.  Christmas can be extremely stressful and a time of great despair and loneliness for many people.  When you add infertility to the combination of Christmas and the Christian faith, the Christmas season can become a nightmare.  If you think about how the season is celebrated you’ll understand why–EVERYTHING CENTERS AROUND CHILDREN.  Everything!  Even if you look at Christmas from a faith perspective, the purpose of the holiday is to celebrate the birth of a child.  In the USA, the whole purpose of Christmas is to buy presents for children.  And this fact is blatantly depicted everyday in every ad for over a month leading up to Christmas day. 

Personally, last Christmas was probably the worst Christmas I have ever experienced.  At that point, we had been trying to conceive for over two and half years and the hoopla and stress surrounding Christmas finally just got to me.  I used to love Christmas.  Normally I would start listening to Christmas music in September or October.  After last year, however, I now don’t even fell like putting up a Christmas tree.  And this year we have decided to give cash instead of Christmas presents just so we can minimize our encounters with all the Christmas holiday hoopla in the stores that remind us of our empty arms.  This is purely a coping mechanism for us so that we will not experience the pain of Christmas we did last year. 

I recently came across one of my journal entries from last year shortly after Christmas.  I am almost ashamed of what I wrote but it is truly how I felt at the time–hurt, angry, and alone with empty arms.  I only republish it here to demonstrate how Christmas is viewed and experienced by many of those who are Christians and suffering from infertility. 

(January 2006)  ” As if this infertility thing hasn’t robbed us of enough, it has now robbed us of Christmas.  At Christmas, we worship God’s greatest gift to humanity sent in the form of an infant—an infant who has to power to heal, to open and close the womb.  An infant that has the power to release us from this torture called infertility, but refuses to do so on our behalf even on the most holiest gift-giving day of the year—Christmas.  No Christmas miracles are granted to us from this infant, yet we are urged by all people around us to worship this infant, this infant who I am so extremely angry at.  This infant whose first commandment to humankind was to be fruitful and multiply, yet the same infant who has revoked our ability to fulfill his commandment.  For us, Christmas time is when God takes the form of an infant and mocks our suffering.  Infertility has reinterpreted the beautiful Christmas story into a personal nightmare that we can see with our waking eyes for the entire month of December.  Infertility, in addition to killing our hopes for having children, has killed Christmas for us.  It will never be the same again.”

Now to clarify, I truly do not believe that at Christmas time God takes the form of an infant and mocks our suffering.  But that is what it truly feels like at times.  Christmas time can make the anger and hurt of infertility overwhelming, and having to celebrate the “birth” of Christ can feel like a slap in the face. 

Normally in hard times, you turn to your faith in God because it is a source of strength.  But with infertility, turning to religion makes the suffering worse in some instances because of the religious messages.  We are told that God is the opener and closer of the womb (Genesis 20:18, 1 Samuel 1:5-6).  Also, to my knowledge, every instance of infertility in the Bible is resolved by God opening a womb and granting a conception.  We are told that God is all-powerful, loving, and forgiving.  If these are all true, why hasn’t God granted me children?  I know he loves me.  I know he sees how much I am hurting through this.  I know he has called me to be a father.  He essentially commands me to have children and he has to power to make that happen…but he has still not heard our plea.  Can you now understand why I would be so angry at God?  And can you understand why the Christmas season is just more fuel to feed the anger that burns in my soul?

I know people may disagree with me, but I believe it is okay to be angry at God and express that anger to him within the context of a personal relationship with him.  If you are angry with your wife and want to deal with it appropriately, you express it to her, confront the issue, and work it out.  You don’t just bite your tongue and fester bitterness over it.  I do not want to be bitter at God so that is why I tell him my anger.  I know that he is right 100% of the time, but ignoring my anger at God does not make the anger go away.  His love, strength, and healing abilities are much more powerful than any amount of anger I could ever muster to throw at him.  He is big enough and our relationship is strong enough to handle my anger.  After all, he is God.

As I write this posting, I just had a thought and a personal prayer.  I wonder how God could heal me of my Christmas-time wounds.  In the midst of all of this, he is still my source of hope and strength.  I was just thinking how Paul states in 1 Corinthians 9:22 that he has “become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some.”  Often this verse if referred to for those who have broken relationships, meaning that Christ will be the father to the fatherless, the husband to the widow, the friend to the friendless, the comfort to those who mourn.  Christmas strains my relationship with God and my relationship with my un-conceived children has definitely been broken.  I wonder … can Christ be my child?  Just as he becomes the father to the fatherless, can Christ be the child to the childless?  Can this holy infant born on Christmas morning become my child?  Or in other words, can Christ fill the emptiness and void in my heart where my children belong?  If Christ can be “all things to all people,” then my prayer this Christmas becomes “Lord, please fill the place of the child I can’t have.  If nothing else, Christ, please be the comfort to my mourning, especially on this coming Christmas morning.”

I know this posting is kind of “bah humbug,” but I just wanted to put the thought out there that not everybody is joyous and happy during Christmas.  People suffering from infertility are just one such example.  There are many other reasons too.  I would just challenge you to be understanding of those around you that may be “bah humbug” and to show the love of Christ this holiday season that demonstrates the true meaning of the season–the truth being that God loves us all and there is nothing we or anyone else can do to separate us from that love.

Copyright © 2007